i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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