I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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