It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
