I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
