I wanna passion pit in your ass
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
