Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
