Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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