i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
