I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
