I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
