i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize