So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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