READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
