So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
