I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just invented taco cereal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
