Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
