I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
