dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
