Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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