Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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