Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
