i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
