i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
