Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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