Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Shame - the story of my life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
