Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
as a side note pls kill me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
