Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize