I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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