I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
