The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
