I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
