There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
