are you so shy because you have an std?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
