Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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