I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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