I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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