I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
