Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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