I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
