I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
