I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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