yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't turn off my feet"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
