i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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