Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
