I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
