I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
