Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
