thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
