I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
