Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
