Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
