I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
