Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
