we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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