I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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