Im at strip club and am horny
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
