did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
