if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
