I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
