so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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