Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize