Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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