that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
