I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
