she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
