Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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