he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
