Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
