Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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